Dear You... Love, Me | Vol. 5 | An Open Letter To The 2009 & Present You

Dear You,

Let me start by saying, I AM SORRY.  Sorry for everything I did and did not do.

Believe it or not, it's been years since I wanted to get that out of my chest.  There has always been this lingering feeling of guilt and pain every time I think about you.  Yes, I do think about you sometimes.  Passing by a certain place reminds me of you.  Hearing a certain song reminds me of you.  Seeing a heart-shaped box reminds me of you.

Ever since things ended, I've been trying to find the right words to explain why things turned out the way they did. How I felt and how I thought it was the right thing to do at that time.  On the contrary, I think I was also trying not to say anything because it felt like I did not have the right to do so.  I also have a lot of questions in mind, but then again, what right do I have to even ask questions?

There is one thing I am sure of though, I let my fears and insecurities get the best of me.  I stopped not because I did not want "US". I stopped because I was afraid to even start "US"

And so, here I am years after trying to find the right words to explain my side of the story.  Unfortunately, even after several years, I still don't have the right words.  I can, however, borrow the words of one band we both like.

Read and listen, I hope this makes sense

~

We became close at a time when I wasn't so sure of myself. During that time, I hated myself for all the decisions and choices I've made. I was this big ball of negativity which surprisingly, you welcomed with open arms.  I barely remember how I got there. I just know that you were the only person who, without inhibitions, accepted all the baggage I had with me.

~

And then it became a relationship we couldn't put a label on. People around us started seeing what was going on and thought they had the right to comment about it. This is when it started going haywire.  Why? Because I listened to them.

Maybe they were right. It was a Television Romance.

Did you think the same?

~

And then they said "it was bound to fail"

Bound to fail -- And it wasn't just the people around us.  It was me. I didn't give it a chance because I wasn't sure how you REALLY felt. And I wanted assurance so bad --- which was wrong.  I hope you had this figured out from that heart-shaped box of letters. 

If not, I guess I didn't tell you enough, or maybe I wasn't really honest with you at that time.

~

And just like that. It ended. And this song pretty much sums up everything else. 

~

So you see, I would like to believe that it was the right kind of thing at the wrong time and setting. And even that --- still sounds complicated.

But, be that as it may, I would like you to know that I am happy where you are now and how things went for you. I really am.  I hope you are too. 

Thank you for being a friend, again.  Also, I hope this answers your question.

Love,

Alex

~~~

This open letter does not wish to accomplish anything.  This is merely a series created by Alex Carpio for www.ticktockitslocked.com and for her peace of mind.

~

Want to do the "Dear You... Love, Me Series", too? Don't forget to link up to this blog and share 'em with me too!

Cover Photo: @rolands.rivera