Dear You... Love, Me | Vol. 5 | An Open Letter To The 2009 & Present You

August 06, 2018

Dear You,

Let me start by saying, I AM SORRYSorry for everything I did and did not do.

Believe it or not, it's been years since I wanted to get that out of my chest.  There has always been this lingering feeling of guilt and pain every time I think about you.  Yes, I do think about you sometimes.  Passing by a certain place reminds me of you.  Hearing a certain song reminds me of you.  Seeing a heart-shaped box reminds me of you.

Ever since things ended, I've been trying to find the right words to explain why things turned out the way they did. How I felt and how I thought it was the right thing to do at that time.  On the contrary, I think I was also trying not to say anything because it felt like I did not have the right to do so.  I also have a lot of questions in mind, but then again, what right do I have to even ask questions?

There is one thing I am sure of though, I let my fears and insecurities get the best of me.  I stopped not because I did not want "US". I stopped because I was afraid to even start "US"

And so, here I am years after trying to find the right words to explain my side of the story.  Unfortunately, even after several years, I still don't have the right words.  I can, however, borrow the words of one band we both like.

Read and listen, I hope this makes sense


We became close at a time when I wasn't so sure of myself. During that time, I hated myself for all the decisions and choices I've made. I was this big ball of negativity which surprisingly, you welcomed with open arms.  I barely remember how I got there. I just know that you were the only person who, without inhibitions, accepted all the baggage I had with me.


And then it became a relationship we couldn't put a label on. People around us started seeing what was going on and thought they had the right to comment about it. This is when it started going haywire.  Why? Because I listened to them.

Maybe they were right. It was a Television Romance.

Did you think the same?


And then they said "it was bound to fail"

Bound to fail -- And it wasn't just the people around us.  It was me. I didn't give it a chance because I wasn't sure how you REALLY felt. And I wanted assurance so bad --- which was wrong.  I hope you had this figured out from that heart-shaped box of letters. 

If not, I guess I didn't tell you enough, or maybe I wasn't really honest with you at that time.

And just like that. It ended. And this song pretty much sums up everything else. 


So you see, I would like to believe that it was the right kind of thing at the wrong time and setting. And even that --- still sounds complicated.

But, be that as it may, I would like you to know that I am happy where you are now and how things went for you. I really am.  I hope you are too. 

Thank you for being a friend, again.  Also, I hope this answers your question.



This open letter does not wish to accomplish anything.  This is merely a series created by Alex Carpio for and for her peace of mind.
Want to do the "Dear You... Love, Me Series", too? Don't forget to link up to this blog and share 'em with me too!

Cover Photo: @rolands.rivera

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