Dear You... Love, Me | Vol. 5 | An Open Letter To The 2009 & Present You
August 06, 2018 • Dear You Love Me
Let me start by saying, I AM SORRY. Sorry for everything I did and did not do.
Believe it or not, it's been years since I wanted to get that out of my chest. There has always been this lingering feeling of guilt and pain every time I think about you. Yes, I do think about you sometimes. Passing by a certain place reminds me of you. Hearing a certain song reminds me of you. Seeing a heart-shaped box reminds me of you.
Ever since things ended, I've been trying to find the right words to explain why things turned out the way they did. How I felt and how I thought it was the right thing to do at that time. On the contrary, I think I was also trying not to say anything because it felt like I did not have the right to do so. I also have a lot of questions in mind, but then again, what right do I have to even ask questions?
There is one thing I am sure of though, I let my fears and insecurities get the best of me. I stopped not because I did not want "US". I stopped because I was afraid to even start "US"
And so, here I am years after trying to find the right words to explain my side of the story. Unfortunately, even after several years, I still don't have the right words. I can, however, borrow the words of one band we both like.
Read and listen, I hope this makes sense
We became close at a time when I wasn't so sure of myself. During that time, I hated myself for all the decisions and choices I've made. I was this big ball of negativity which surprisingly, you welcomed with open arms. I barely remember how I got there. I just know that you were the only person who, without inhibitions, accepted all the baggage I had with me.
There is one thing I am sure of though, I let my fears and insecurities get the best of me. I stopped not because I did not want "US". I stopped because I was afraid to even start "US"
And so, here I am years after trying to find the right words to explain my side of the story. Unfortunately, even after several years, I still don't have the right words. I can, however, borrow the words of one band we both like.
Read and listen, I hope this makes sense
~
We became close at a time when I wasn't so sure of myself. During that time, I hated myself for all the decisions and choices I've made. I was this big ball of negativity which surprisingly, you welcomed with open arms. I barely remember how I got there. I just know that you were the only person who, without inhibitions, accepted all the baggage I had with me.
~
And then it became a relationship we couldn't put a label on. People around us started seeing what was going on and thought they had the right to comment about it. This is when it started going haywire. Why? Because I listened to them.
Maybe they were right. It was a Television Romance.
Did you think the same?
~
And then they said "it was bound to fail"
Bound to fail -- And it wasn't just the people around us. It was me. I didn't give it a chance because I wasn't sure how you REALLY felt. And I wanted assurance so bad --- which was wrong. I hope you had this figured out from that heart-shaped box of letters.
If not, I guess I didn't tell you enough, or maybe I wasn't really honest with you at that time.
~
~
So you see, I would like to believe that it was the right kind of thing at the wrong time and setting. And even that --- still sounds complicated.
But, be that as it may, I would like you to know that I am happy where you are now and how things went for you. I really am. I hope you are too.
Thank you for being a friend, again. Also, I hope this answers your question.
Love,
Alex
~~~
This open letter does not wish to accomplish anything. This is merely a series created by Alex Carpio for www.ticktockitslocked.com and for her peace of mind.
~
Want to do the "Dear You... Love, Me Series", too? Don't forget to link up to this blog and share 'em with me too!
Cover Photo: @rolands.rivera
Sunday Currently | 20
August 05, 2018 • Sunday Currently
Reading
Lyrics of all the Pale Waves songs
Writing
A blog post which I've had on my drafts for a week now. Can't seem to find the right words to finish it. Also, a process summary for a pitch due on Tuesday.
Listening
On Your Side - Day Wave
Smelling
Freshly brewed coffee! Joke! Instant black coffee lang siya. Ran out of coffee grounds ~_~
Wishing
For more money. I need to buy them new shoes and clothes. --- Not being a spoiled little b*tch here. I just did a closet clean up last week and I literally don't have medyo formal/leather shoes anymore. All I have are sneakers and running shoes. All my pants don't fit me the way they used to and I just realized how loud some of my clothes are for my single motherhood life. So...
Hoping
That all our pitches will have results next week. I mean, do clients have any idea how painfully hard it is to wait if you won a pitch or not?
Thinking
Of ways to make more money. ~_~ I do freelance event work! Hire me!A navy blue pleated dress and no ligo :P
Loving
Hearing Avery's new words! She's been shouting Mama for days! So CUUUTTEE!
\
WantingA new pair of vans. Veggie Tan Leather Nude. Please.
Needing
An eyebrow thread. Again. Check out my other Sunday Currently posts, it's always this! ALWAYS!
Feeling
Like I need a bath. LOL.
Clicking
Through google finding the subbed version of Meteor Garden Episode 21 and 22. HAHA! Don't judge!
How 'bout you? How's your weekend?
Dear You...Love, Me | Vol. 4 | Me
August 04, 2018 • Dear You Love Me
Dear Me,
Congratulations!
You're slowly getting back on track. I know it's been a rough road to travel, but you're finally back on your feet! So, give yourself a pat on the back and here are a few reminders before you turn a year older in 2 months.
Baby Steps. Don't rush it. Nothing good comes out of anything that's rush and done on impulse. Your whole life has been about doing what you want when you want. Remember that your decisions are not just about YOU now. Remember that it's you and Avery now. Everything you do if for you and her.
Don't be too hard on yourself. STOP thinking that nobody loves you! Your emo days are over! WAKE UP! But kidding aside, stop thinking that nobody loves you because of all the wrong things you've done. You made wrong decisions in the past (and will probably make more in the future - hopefully not the same ones) but that does not mean that nobody loves you. Stop blaming yourself for things which you have no control over, but also learn how to own up to your mistakes. THAT IS LIFE. No need to blame yourself.
FAMILY is everything. You should know by now that no matter what happens, yo family go yo back! Keep this in mind and live it. It is one important value that you should teach your daughter. Show her that family should always come first.
Love yourself. Remember, it is your moral obligation to love yourself. Love yourself and know you're worth. Know your value and don't settle for less.
Be the person that you would want your daughter to be proud of.
Lastly, PRAY. Give thanks ALWAYS.
Natually, there are still a lot more hurdles to overcome in the future. Just remember that it's not the end of the world and STOP ACTING LIKE IT IS everytime you are in a rut. It is just a phase and it shall pass.
Copish?
Love,
Alex
~~~
This open letter does not wish to accomplish anything. This is merely a series created by Alex Carpio for www.ticktockitslocked.com and for her peace of mind.
~
Want to do the "Dear You... Love, Me Series", too? Don't forget to link up to this blog and share 'em with me too!
Friday's 10 Happy Things | 13
August 03, 2018 • Friday's 10 Happy Things
Hey it's back! Back again. :P Life's not interesting, as usual, but nevertheless, there are a lot of things to be thankful for! So here we go... Let's be thankful of the little things in life that make us happy!
1) The past few months have been a nightmare for me and my soul sister, Gab. After months of fighting and struggling, she and I are finally back on track. We've been a little lost and confused emotionally and literally since we've been trying to solve problems that are bigger than us and trying to figure out as to how we can save not just ourselves, but everyone involved. Fortunately for us, things have been getting better lately AND we hope it'll continue for us both. --- I think this has got to be the happiest thing of ALL!
2) Got to see Mt. Mayon in all its glory! Didn't happen this week, but since it's been awhile since I wrote this series, I am including this!
3) And this --- I got to see Manila Grey play live at Black Market! It was a crazy night of music and taking care of drunk friends. :P
4) Avery has been doing good with her therapy sessions! She's A LOT more sociable now and speaks more. She calls me "MAMA" now! I know it's no biggie given her age, but you guys have no idea how much that made my heart jump with joy!
5) Meteor Garden - 2018. WHY? WATCH IIITTTT NOW! I mean it! Or see why here!
6) Old Friends. After 2 years of not seeing each other, finally had a date night with these guys last night!
A post shared by Judi Alexis Carpio (@lexidoodledoo) on
7) This baby girl making faces with Mommy. <3
8) Round Up turned 1! Go and check out the site, will you? Like us on Facebook, too! And follow on Instagram!
9) Rekindled Friendship. After almost 7 years of not talking to a friend, finally had a chance to rekindle that relationship and it's been amazing :)
10) After all the hardships and mishaps, I am still alive. If that's not something to be happy for, then I don't know what is :D Also, my little princess just kissed me goodnight.
Share with me things that made you happy lately!
Goodnight and Happy Weekend!
Quick Getaway: Upper East Side (Antipolo)
August 01, 2018 • Places
And by upper east side, I just mean Upper Antipolo Rizal area. Pa-sosyal lang guys. :)
Anyway, I usually don't post about places I go to because I am so bad in documenting the important things that it's pretty much useless to blog about it, but this place is really a surprise to me and thought it was worth posting on the blog.
So, it was one fine morning with the fam and after 20-30 minutes of just cruising the road without anything but mountains and trees comes this hidden gem of a place in Boso-Boso, Antipolo Rizal. A rustic, homey hotel named after the place where it's built.
Boso-Boso Hotel or Boso-Boso Highlands Resort and Convention Center located along Marcos Highway (mind you, its a verrryyy looonngg highway) overlooking Boso-Boso valley and facing the Sierra Madre Mountain Ranges.
The place has a great view without all the city pollution. It was literally a breath of fresh air. It's a good (quick) getaway from the city without having to pass thru toll gates and such.
They have a simple breakfast menu (silogs and pastas) which I believe still has room for improvement (and I really hope they do improve it because then it would be a total package!) I got pancakes and bacon for me and Avery and everybody else got Tocilog, Tapsilog and Adobo. --- No, I don't have a photo of our food because again, going back to my intro, I am so bad at documenting things like this ~_~
After breakfast, Avery still wanted to stay because she was actually enjoying the view (she wasn't afraid of heights! It felt like my heart was on the floor every time she looked over the glass railing) We decided to have coffee and hot coco. Their coffee and cake selection actually compliment each other. Plus the interiors of the place, it gives you all that homey feels.
Each table had a different painting! |
Little princess enjoyed her mango shake --- it was a large serving and we had to ask for a smaller glass so she could drink it. |
Learn more about the place here. Drop by (remember to bring a jacket!) and let me know what you think!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons