Life Lately
Life Lately | Vlog, Lockdown & New Work
March 16, 2020 • Life Lately, Personal, Quarantine, Vlogging
It's true what they say that when you start doing vlogs, you will barely have the time to write on your blog. Also, just when you thought that blogging & vlogging are almost the same --- they're not.
I recently went into vlogging because I thought it was easier to share my hair coloring routines and other stuff --- and that's true. However, I miss the free flowing process of just typing away on your blog vs. editing and re-watching videos over and over until you get the kind of output that you like. Don't get me wrong though, I do enjoy them both. Blogging is something that I do for my self and vlogging is too, BUT, I enjoy the fact that I can do it with my friends and my daughter! --- watch out for videos with Avery, because I tell you, she has wayyy more vlogging skills than Mommy.
Here are 3 new vlogs I have uploaded in the past few 2 weeks.
I originally planned to upload at least 2 videos every week, but who am I kidding? I'm a single mom, I have 2 online shops and a day job (see how's that is a challenge for me?) and speaking of jobs ---
I'M FINALLY BACK IN MY ARENA! I just started working in the advertising industry again and I must say that being out of it for more than 6 months has made me realized how much I love this (toxic) industry! Haha! So, if any of ya'll need an events team, video production house or any below the line services, send your girl a message!
AND NOW, as I am writing this --- the President is having his presscon regarding the "enhanced community quarantine" because of the COVID19 situatuin in our country. I am not a political person and I am not saying this because I know stuff, but I am saying this because I am a Mom and I want a safe environment for my child --- PLEASE STAY INDOORS.
Let's all be safe. Sanitize our surroundings, wash your hands regularly and use alcohol. Stuck up on vitamins too! I hope that we all get through this together PILIPINAS!
FINALLY LAUNCHED MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL!
February 27, 2020 • Life Lately, Personal, Vlog
FINALLY!
After much encouragement and convincing from family and friends for years --- I have finally decided to put up my own channel.
It was such a struggle to finally decide on this since I had so many questions in mind like --- how am I going to do this? How should I do this? Should I act in a certain way? Should I be myself? What if people hate me? and all those other questions at the back of your mind when you're venturing into something new. Until finally, just a few days ago, I said ---- Whatever. I'll just do it how like how I talk and act when with friends and family. And with that --- I was finally able to publish my first VLOG.
ENJOY WATCHING!
Don't forget to subscribe!
1/50: 50 Things to Blog About | 2019
August 07, 2019 • Life Lately, Personal, Random
1/50: That thing that happened in high school that pretty much changed your life forever
For 9 years (kindergarten to first year high school), I've studied in an exclusive all girls catholic school. And in that 9 years, the only idea I have of what a school look likes or what we do in school is what I have experienced there.
On my second year in high school, just a few days before enrollment period, I found out that the family business wasn't doing as well as it used to and everything is about to go kaput. I didn't feel the gravity of the situation until it was a choice of who was going to stop schooling, me or my brother. I didn't know then how much it would affect me, but since I was the older sister, I decided that it had to me.
The school year went by and it was a mixture of all sorts of feelings. Feeling a little free that I didn't have to wake up at 5:00 in the morning to get ready, a little sad that I had to wait until 4:00PM before I could talk to my friends again. Feeling a little left out that everyone had soiree's and I had to wait for my 8 year old brother to go home from school while watching Home TV Shopping on a television that only had 3 channels.
Come next school year, I knew I no longer had the heart to go back to my old school and be with another batch. I also knew that we no longer had the capacity to pay for such school and so I transferred to a small village in Bulacan (with my Aunt) and on that village was a newly built private school. I studied there for a year and thought I would be able to adjust, but no. The place and the school was never and will never be home. After that school year, I went back to Marikina.
As soon as I got back, I realized that I will never have the chance to go back to my former school . OR ANY OTHER private school . --- We just couldn't afford it at the time. My Lolo, being the captain of the ship, decided I study in a public school. Yep, in a public school and it was a reality that a girl from an exclusive catholic school had to take at 15 years old.
On my second year in high school, just a few days before enrollment period, I found out that the family business wasn't doing as well as it used to and everything is about to go kaput. I didn't feel the gravity of the situation until it was a choice of who was going to stop schooling, me or my brother. I didn't know then how much it would affect me, but since I was the older sister, I decided that it had to me.
The school year went by and it was a mixture of all sorts of feelings. Feeling a little free that I didn't have to wake up at 5:00 in the morning to get ready, a little sad that I had to wait until 4:00PM before I could talk to my friends again. Feeling a little left out that everyone had soiree's and I had to wait for my 8 year old brother to go home from school while watching Home TV Shopping on a television that only had 3 channels.
Come next school year, I knew I no longer had the heart to go back to my old school and be with another batch. I also knew that we no longer had the capacity to pay for such school and so I transferred to a small village in Bulacan (with my Aunt) and on that village was a newly built private school. I studied there for a year and thought I would be able to adjust, but no. The place and the school was never and will never be home. After that school year, I went back to Marikina.
As soon as I got back, I realized that I will never have the chance to go back to my former school . OR ANY OTHER private school . --- We just couldn't afford it at the time. My Lolo, being the captain of the ship, decided I study in a public school. Yep, in a public school and it was a reality that a girl from an exclusive catholic school had to take at 15 years old.
Now, how did that change my life? I'll tell you why.
- My first day in that school, students kept looking at me from head to toe. It was when I learned that right at that moment, I was just like the rest of them and acting all high and mighty won't get me anywhere. --- Not in that school and NOT IN LIFE.
- The comfort rooms were BAD, the fabric of the uniform was kind of itchy, the spacing of chairs in the classroom were non existent, canteen food was ~_~, teachers' past time is to sell you stuff you can buy outside for the half the price ----- This my friends is REAL LIFE TRAINING. You never know what life will throw at you, but you always have to be prepared for the worst.
- During my first year there, a student was stabbed by someone from another class. YES. STABBED. INSIDE THE SCHOOL GROUNDS. A SCHOOL that had more than 1,000 students had ONE (1) Guard. I never found out if the student survived, but one thing I learned for sure, you'll never know when it's your time. CHERISH EVERY MOMENT YOU HAVE.
How'd my life change? It changed A LOT. Don't you think?
I would like to believe that this is exactly what you call --- HARDENED BY TIME.
Sounds harsh, doesn't it? It was, but it all worked out in the end. In all fairness to that sh*thole public school that has enjoyed putting me into the limelight for being the private school girl that lost all her family money -- It was a fun experience where I was able to see who my real friends were (from the former school) and met new friends who became a part of my life.
Blog Cover Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash
Blog Cover Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash
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50 Sweet Ideas: Things to Blog About by Fat Mum Slim
One sunny day, I was sick and stuck at home. I was staring at my blog for sometime and then found myself googling "Blog Ideas" and saw A LOT, but this list from Fat Mum Slim's Blog is my favorite as its the kind of things/memories I'd like to lock in this blog.
Hence, a promise to my blogging self was made --- finish all 50 for 2019!
Life Lately | Hello, 2019
March 01, 2019 • Life Lately, Personal
Life lately? I'm tired, but alive. I'm exhausted, but again, alive and still trying to make it.
My 2018 was like a Japanese rice ball wrapped in bad decisions, rolled in a bed of failed "new beginnings" and topped with financial difficulties.
I intended to end 2018 by leaving that bad serving of bento, wishing for a better serving in 2019. However, as they say in the books and movies, fate has a funny way of showing you "it's going to be alright." Too dramatic for you? Well, let me start by sharing with you how I celebrated my holidays last year.
For the first time ever, Avery and I celebrated Christmas with my Tita Marvi. We had a simple samgyupsal and shabu shabu for Noche Buena. It was a pretty fun celebration. Small, but we were genuinely happy because everybody spoke, shared stories and no one was acting out of character. I woke up the next day with a 39 degree fever and flu. Eventually, Avery caught the virus and we were both in an out of the hospital during the last week of December 2018. On the 31st however, durung Avery's second trip to the ER, she was advised to be confined.
My daughter and I said hello to 2019 with a take out box from Alex III for me and a bottle of milk, dextrose and bunch of other medicines for her.
We were discharged 5 days later and it just kind of went downhill from there. Avery's confinement came of as a financial surprise, but I was more surprised when I found out I wasn't eligible to use my Philhealth. Talk about being unprepared or just plain malas.
Mid January, things started to pick up a little. Office was toxic after the holidays, but we did find the time to unwine A BIT before January ended.
2 Day Event at Taal Vista Hotel, Tagaytay |
Synergy at Bakasyunan, Zambales |
Just when I thought things were just about to get better, I received a 4:00 AM call from my Tita Marvi's phone. This was when I was just supposed to get ready for a set up for another event. I literally opened my eyes about a minute before my phone started ringing. It was my Tito on the phone. He was shouting. He was panicking. My heart stopped when I saw my phone ringing at that hour. Something happened to Tita Marvi. I knew that feeling. I knew, because I had the very same type of call about seven years ago. Same time of the day -- informing me my mom was gone.
Tito Jon said it was a heart attack, but an hour later, my cousin called back. Just when I saw his name in my caller ID, I already knew what he was going to say. Tita Marvi has left us.
I originally planned to make this blog post a bit long. I wanted to share how short life is and how we should learn to forgive and value everyone around us, but my eyes are too watery to even finish, my mind is too tired to think and my heart is too heavy to finish on a tone I originally planned to.
Bottomline, FAMILY IS EVERYTHING. Love them. Show it to them.
If there is one thing I have learned in all the passing loved ones in my life ---
It is the regret that death brings upon us that is always more painful.
Put that in mind and maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't be wishing for a reset button.
Abusive Relationship: Signs, Accepting, Getting Out & Starting Over
May 21, 2018 • Life Lately, Thoughts
Got your attention with "abusive relationship", didn't I? Anyway, before you go ahead and read this post, please be aware that this is not based on scientific or psychological facts. These are all based on MY personal experience.
I may be a psych graduate, but believe me, there are no theories or medical explanations here. We can't psychologize ourselves after all. These are just plain experiences and how I accepted them, got out of it and how I am trying to start over again.
First things first, let me just get this out --- ONCE physical assault/violence happens, IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. No matter what the excuse is --- drunk, sudden burst of emotions, etc. --- it doesn't matter. If it happened once, it will happen again. As our elders say, pag minsan ka ng sinaktan, mauulit at mauulit yan.
---
1) Overly and Unreasonably Jealous. Of course, at the start of the relationship, this is something you'd consider cute and kilig. You know those times when you'd actually look forward to him being jealous because you think he's just protective of you? What if that jealousy turns into an everyday thing? Turns into him being psycho and checking your phone, laptop, social media accounts, etc? Still cute? Cute, but pyscho.
This was a major red flag, I don't know why I still stayed. Yeah, I know, because I love him. And how did I cope? I did the same. I also turned psycho and started checking all his social media accounts, etc. Lo and behold, the reason why he's checking up on mine is that he wanted to make sure I wasn't cheating on facebook or twitter like HE WAS!
If this happened to you, please do yourself a favor, LEAVE. But of course, we love the person, don't we?
I still stayed. I still believed he will change, but in the long run it was me who changed. Changed my number, changed my facebook accounts, changed my routine, changed the way I talk, dress, think. Changed everything according to his liking. Changed everything without knowing that I was slowly losing myself in the process.
2) Making you choose between him and something else. I was once granted a work-related knowledge transfer opportunity in Australia. I went through panel interviews and was able to get a slot (1/8) out of the 100+ that I applied. YEY! BUT, since I was madly in love with this person whom I thought was my life, I declined. Pag umalis daw ako, wala na siya pagbalik ko. ---- To the one reading this, okay, you can judge me all you want now.
I was offered a dream job from a large telecommunications company, I declined.
I was offered a job from a very very good advertising company, I declined.
I was offered several project-based events for good brands, I declined.
I kept on declining good offers, because it was alsway a choice between him and the opportunity. Then somewhere along the way, it escalated to me choosing between him and friends, him and personal happines, and worst of all, him and my family.
However, this sign is particularly tricky. It wasn't always an outright type of choosing. It wasn't a straight up "ako o sila/iyan", but it was more of a making you feel guilty type of thing. This person knew me too well that he knows how to use the big guns. If there is one thing I hate the most, it's feeling guilty. Instead of having that feeling, I'd just give up and decline. Instead of having an argument --- which I got really tired of after 6 years of numerous heated arguments --- I'd just give up.
The worst part --- I shouldn't even feel guilty in the first place. You owe it to yourself to do good with your career and life choices. Don't let other people make you think otherwise. If he's making you choose (and he doesn't know how to compromise), start thinking about your relationship.
3) Starts Making Choices For You. During the first 2 years of my relationship, I'd still voice out my choices and opinions. It would always result to an argument, which I eventually got tired of. After such time, I just lost the will to fight for my choices and just allowed him to make the choices for me. From clothes, to what I eat, friends, jobs I do, social media posting and everything else. During our third year together, he made up his mind that he wanted us to live together. I declined and told him we can't but he was very adamant about it, the reason being he doesn't trust me living in our house since all of my cousins and brothers friends (who are mostly boys) stay at the house too much. Imagine that?
I remember that this was one of the very few things I fought for. I knew that this was going to put a big gap between me and my family. Until I lost to him, again. At this point, it wasn't just about "kung mahal mo ko..." or "I will do this because I love you". It already involved emotional torture and blackmailing. Now, if that isn't a major red flag, I don't know what is. One day, I woke up and he was already talking to my family, telling them that he's taking me out because "labas pasok po kasi kung sino sinong kaibigan na lalaki nila dito sa bahay niyo" --- Imagine my Ninang's face when she heard that.
From that point on, I don't remember making choices without having to consult him.
Ladies, what I did here was just wrong in all aspects. It was hard to get out of the relationship at that time because of all the emotional blackmailing and torture, but believe me when I say that IT WILL PASS. Have I had the chance to turn back time, I would decline HARD and called the women's desk if he still pushed.
4) Everyday is just a Routine. That feeling when you wake up and everything just becomes a routine? Nothing is spontaneous and exciting anymore. You don't feel anything either. No love, no anticipation, no nothing. If there was any emotion present, it was just fear. Fear that he wouldn't like what I wear to work today, fear that today's menu might not be to his liking, fear that I would be home an hour late because of my deadlines.
Fear, fear about everything that you do. Fear that, should he not like anything you did today, he might get violent...
Which brings me to the last and MOST OBVIOUS SIGN OF ALL...
5) Physical Violence. Sinaktan ka? Honey, that is your first (and SHOULD be your ONLY) sign. Though, I didn't take notice of that, of course. Unfortunately for me, I held on to the idea of forgiveness and the promise of "it will never happen again". Don't get me wrong, some people do change, but as a person I believe our gut will tell us if a certain person is bound to change or not. I already knew his violent streak wasn't going to change. It happened first on our second year together. A fist on the face, then a few times after that (which includes a kick and a punch out of the cab), twice when I was pregnant and one more big blow which finally made me leave.
I have a scar on my face which will remind me of my kagagahan for the rest of my life. It's not a good feeling. Don't let yourself sink in that black hole. First thing I should've done was seek help. If you feel that you're suffering the battered wife syndrome, talk to someone. Talk to your family. Call the women's desk. Call someone.
Physically hurting someone is never okay. Same with emotionally and mentally hurting someone. It's all the same. It changes you and it scars you forever. If you ever feel like you don't know yourself anymore, it's time to leave.
HOW TO START AGAIN?
I've realized the signs, accepted that it's never going to be fixed and I finally got out of that sinkhole. That's just the first part, starting over again is a whole different story. I'm still trying to find the answer to that question, to be honest. I think that's probably the reason why I am writing this. It's been three months since it happened, and it's just now that I finally had the courage to share this.
I think what I am trying to do now is re-focus. Focusing my attention on the things that matter, first of which is my daughter. I may have had a really bad relationship, but I would have to admit that there was one good thing about it, and that is my little princess. She might be a splitting image of the dad, but she will forever be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Second, bringing back the lost pieces of myself. The past few months has been about work, fixing my portfolio, the blog and most importantly, my relationship with my family and friends. Slowly, I've been trying to pick up the aspects of my life that make me, ME.
After being in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship for years, trying to know yourself again can be quite challenging. Believe it or not, it amazed me how much I have forgotten about myself and how much catching up I need to do. BUT, despite that, I just make sure that I try to enjoy the process.
I know this is not a heart-wrenching post. If any, I think most parts sounds sarcastic and as if it didn't affect me. That's just me, but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Remember, physical abuse leaves marks that heal in time, mental & emotional abuse, on the other hand, leaves a far deeper scar in your mind and soul.
Remember, SEEK HELP. Do not face this alone.
--
Also, sharing this post my best friend shared with me (#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou):
I know this is not a heart-wrenching post. If any, I think most parts sounds sarcastic and as if it didn't affect me. That's just me, but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Remember, physical abuse leaves marks that heal in time, mental & emotional abuse, on the other hand, leaves a far deeper scar in your mind and soul.
Remember, SEEK HELP. Do not face this alone.
--
Also, sharing this post my best friend shared with me (#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou):
Hello, I'm Back. AGAIN.
October 24, 2017 • Life Lately, Thoughts
I could no longer count the times I had to say "hello i'm back" in this blog. I've been in and out the blog-loop since I started this thing and every time, I find a reason to explain why I was gone. May it be work, motherhood or what have you, I always had something else that kept me busy, thus the absence. This time, I can't think of any --- or I probably just can't think of the appropriate words to use to describe what has transpired in my life for the past 9 months.
I'm really not sure as to how I can share it without sounding like a whiny pathetic adult, but the first 6 months was really because of work. Work that literally did not just take my time, but also took all my happy mojo away. I was stuck in a job I didn't like and got insulted professionally and personally in more ways than one. Almost a year into that job, I couldn't just take it anymore and left. No, I wasn't acting all millennial-ish saying I deserved better and all that. I was literally hired to be in this particular position, then when the big boss didn't feel like I should be in that post anymore, she demoted me and my salary too! --- mind you that's illegal! Labo diba? It's kind of hard to expain because it was kind of a special set up that just went kaput somewhere. Get this, the company owner was my Aunt's personal friend, so you can just imagine how that went down.
The job fiasco was more than 3 months ago. For 3 whole months, I had nothing (except for my little girl, of course) and I had to rethink my whole life plan. Deep, noh? By nothing, I meant I felt like I was going nowhere. My birthday was fast approaching then, meaning that's another year older, but not wiser experience for me. I was a soon-to-be-has-been in the corporate slavery world and I was jobless.
I tried applying to 6 jobs on Jobstreet and NO ONE CALLED ME --- that was a first time! Imagine how bad I felt that time. During my early 20's - mid 20's job hunting was a breeze. I'd apply online to 3-5 jobs, and all those would call me for an interview, I'd get 3 offers out of 5 and you know the drill. Now, there was nothing, nada. I was lost. I suddenly remembered my Mom telling me "hindi ka in demand habang buhay, pag tumanda ka, marerealize mo na iba na ang competition sa work force" and it's true. You are not as in demand and as fresh as you were when you were fresh grad and just had some years of experience. Sure, I have more experience and that should be an edge, but it could also be a hindrance since company's know you charge more. So, alam mo yun, sometimes being old and experienced could be a bad thing when job hunting. More than that, if you're really lost emotionally and mentally, it's really hard to get a job or any other thing in your life for that matter. Technically speaking, if you don't know yourself, you also tend not to know what you like --- AND I think that's where my problem lies.
After my birthday and 3 jobless months, i'm back to blogging... Have I got everything figured out? NO. That's a loud and clear, NO. I think that's probably why I am back here. Blogging and reading blogs has always given me a wider perspective and look at things. I guess I was thinking that if I make papansin here again, I'll get smart and wiser opinions on things OR maybe I just needed this as an outlet.
So yeah, that's pretty much it. Hello AGAIN guys, I'm back. <3
PS. Any suggestions for any new series I can do on the blog?
PPS. I am no longer jobless, just in case any of you is concerned, hihi. I am back in the advertising and events world. Yes! Want to work with me? Click here!
PPPS. Another thing, support Mainline Clothing Co. will you? THANK YOU! Will be doing a giveaway soon!
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